I’ve sat down to write this blog post countless times and every single time I found myself staring at a blank page. Ironic when I am trying to write about the process of receiving that I can’t seem to receive the words needed. But that’s just it, it’s not about being in effort or trying at all. The very act of receiving signifies the need for us to surrender for us to let go of the attachment to the outcome and open ourselves up, create a clear channel to receive whatever it is we need. It seems this time of year that we should all be good at receiving, most of the holiday season is about giving and receiving gifts, but so many of are not capable of it.
This past weekend as I sat in meditation my guides offered up a healing to me, on receiving. It seems that despite having worked at healing my receiving abilities all year there was still more work to be done. Or rather, as they so eloquently reminded me, there was more surrendering to do. But how could I possibly release and surrender more, what did I need to do? Again they reminded me, it’s not about doing anything, surrendering is about doing less. So I sat back and focused on my breath, allowing my team to get to work on clearing my energy centers, aligning my central channel, activating my light body and creating an energetic shift for me. And all of a sudden they stopped. As I inquired what was up, they said again “Surrender”. But how does one surrender if they think that they already are? How does one truly let go? And then they laid it on me, the truth about what needed to happen for me to surrender. I had to let go of the attachment to the way things stood today, to the way things are in my life right now, I had to let go of the fear of the unknown, I had to surrender to the change that may come when I truly open myself up to receive. And that brought me to a pause, a choice point. Can I really allow myself to surrender to source, to the universe enough to release control? Ahhh pesky control. Another theme of 2018, something I had been releasing since April. And so I asked, what do I need to let go? What will it look like, how will things change? And again they reminded me that with that very line of questioning I am in effort, I am trying to control what may come, rather than trusting that what will happen is in my highest and greatest good, that it will serve my divine path and purpose. And then the kicker came. They showed me that by limiting what it is I can receive I am not only limiting my growth and healing, but I am limiting the growth and healing for everyone I work with. All my clients and my academy students. And that was all it took. I knew that I had to surrender to the divine flow of the universe allowing it to move freely through me without hesitation, without fear. Because this work has never really been about me, its always been about being of service and how can I keep anything from those I love, from my clients from my students. And just like that there was a rush of energy that left my body on a single breath. It represented years and lifetimes of sadness, of fear, of hesitation, of struggle, of hiding my gifts. It represented all the things that had kept me from stepping fully into my divine purpose. And behind that release and surrender came a wave of energy unlike anything I have ever felt before. It flowed forth and through me with such ease and such beauty that tears sprang to my eyes, my body felt like it might burst because it could barely contain the bliss, the exuberance of what it meant to really feel the love of the universe within me. It was a gift and a moment I will treasure for the rest of my days. And you know what? Every session I have done, every class I have taught, every interaction with my clients and students since has been more magical. Not only have my clients benefited from my surrender but so to have I. I’ve let go of so much effort when in session with others, I’ve let go of holding back my voice and my gift because the world needs this, we all need this. And its time that I step forth and own it and stop holding back. It’s time that I step out of the shadows and into the divine light of surrender.
So my dears during this most auspicious of times, as we prepare for Winter Solstice and for a full moon the day after, what do you offer up? What do you surrender? You have to make space and clear out the dark to make room for the light.
I love you all and I wish you the happiest of Holidays. 2019 promises to be a big year for me and I hope to see you soon in one of my workshops, my academy classes, my retreats or just in passing.