Loving the Endings as Much as the Beginnings

What if we loved the endings we experience as much as the beginnings?  Recently as I have navigated endings of relationships, projects and other chapters in my life I’ve begun to realize that the beauty lies not in the wondrous excitement of beginnings but in the dark night of the endings.  Those moments where things are falling away and I am confused as to where to go next or what steps to take to make the that future goal happen are when I find the sweetest gift of silence to reflect on the ups and downs of the experience, relationship or chapter that is closing.  To reflect on the truths unveiled, the lies released from my space, the growth and the change. I take time in that moment to appreciate that I am alive and well enough to have chapters finishing while new ones are just aching to begin.  

In order to move beyond where we are now and shift into a new beginning something must come to an end. We have to make space for what is coming in to fully receive the blessings being bestowed upon us. Too many of us jump quickly from one thing to another without ever taking the time to honor the chapter that has just closed. We get busy celebrating what is new, what has come into our life, what has shifted but we forget to love the ending just as much.

Often as we move through the Awakening process, we get wrapped up in the stories we carry; we get lost in the pain we are experiencing as the old traumas and patterns are being cleared from our field.  As these traumas and programs are released we begin to experience the great shedding, the letting go.  We begin to question some of the things we hold most dear and identify those items that are no longer in alignment with the new vibration we are welcoming in.  This means that we experience many endings and just as many new beginnings. 

I invite you to savor the moments of in between, the pause between the breath of change rolling through your life.  It is in this space, that the integration begins.  We unpack the lessons learned and we have the option to choose differently as we step forward into the great unknown.  Honor those endings, celebrate them.  Wrap them in ceremony and ritual and anchor their beauty into your physical reality.  It is in these times that we grow, that we learn and that we evolve.  

Honoring Your Relationship House (& Sweeping Out the Dust Bunnies)

I used to say that I didn’t pull the relationship card in this lifetime but the truth is I did, we all did. None of us are exempt from the work related to our relationship house. Just like our actual home we have to care for our relationship house consistently. We have to clean it and honor it like our sacred space. We all arrive in this world with some level or relationship mess to clean up simply because we are born from two people who were in some level of relationship when they created us. At a minimum we have learned behaviors and programs picked up from our parents that impact many if not all of our relationships. Even if we had the best of role models in our parents we all carry some level of relationship work to be done, even if its just the relationship with ourselves that needs to be cared for. So even if we think we have avoided the dramas of serious relationship issues because as we compare ourselves to others we’ve got it “easy”, the reality is we all have work to do in this arena.

The sky has aligned nicely for us to do this work as we begin our slow descent into the Fall and Winter months. Venus made her way into retrograde as she does every 18 months or so and she will remain there for 40 days. This retrograde began on October 5th and lasts until November 16th. For many of this means we are doing some deep unearthing of bodies that we long ago buried. We are evaluating all the relationships in our lives including our relationship with self. We are re-evaluating who and what lights us up and shifting our priorities away from the people and things that do not. We are looking closely at how our actions and words impact others, we are opening our hearts in ways that we didn’t think were previously possible, yet at the same time we are experiencing rage, anger and frustration at the parts of our lives that are not working, that are causing us grief.

Now is the time my dear star children, we must align with the highest and greatest good for all our relationships, with self and others. We must awaken to the truth that our great potential comes not only from what we do but from who we do it with. Those that would dim our light or keep us held back from our truth might have to go or at the very least might have to step aside for awhile to allow the beauty of our soul to shine forth without fear of being extinguished by the judgement of another.

Go deep my friends, now is the time. Shed the layers that aren’t serving and feed your heart and align with your truth.

Becoming an Open Hearted Warrior

As my heart opening process has continued over the last couple of weeks, my guides have been showing me more and more about how to live in my heart. In my last blog post I wrote about the “Open Hearted Warrior” . I shared some of the characteristics of the OHW (read it here). Today I want to share how you can become an Open Hearted Warrior.

Do you remember the story of the velveteen rabbit? It was one of my favorite books as a child. In the story the velveteen rabbit desperately wants to become “REAL” and he asks the oldest toy in the boys toy box, the wise old horse, how to make it happen. The horse explains that you just become “REAL”. It is not something you have to create or be in effort around. You just are who you are and over time you just become “REAL”.

My guides reminded me of this story when I asked them how to become an open hearted warrior. They reminded me that it is our attachment to the thing we want that keeps it from happening. That we must let go of the egoic attachment we experience on a day to day basis. The attachment to things, to people, to how we are viewed in the world that our ego uses to build the false sense of self we project out into the world. As we drop the egoic attachment the heart opens more and more to the possibility of the present moment, the possibility of who we truly are at our core, at our most vulnerable. We learn to live in our joy and stay in our open heart experiencing the moment rather than always planning for the future or hanging on to our past.

Opening your heart while still remaining in your power is a process of feeling into every moment, setting aside the opinions of others, the programs and learned behaviors you’ve adopted over the years and feeling into your truth, deep inside your being. As you feel into that truth you simply ask is this person, experience, or thing in alignment with me? If you get a NO then you pause and break it down, what isn’t in alignment? Is it an aspect of that situation or choice or is it the situation as whole? You then speak your truth in the moment and ask for what is in alignment. Perhaps you want to go to dinner with that person but not tonight, you are too tired and exhausted from your day, so you schedule for some time in the future. You recognize that the person across from you has needs and wants and you have compassion for them but you don’t sacrifice your health and wellbeing to make them happy. You have an open an honest conversation with them and if they are not able to hold space for that and it happens over and over again then you may then decide that they are not the person for you.

This is how you become an Open Hearted Warrior. You feel deeply into your heart and choose joy, you choose expansion but not to the detriment of others. You hold compassion for those around you, even those who are not in alignment with you. But that compassion doesn’t become self-sacrifice or self-deprecation, you simply become “a REAL Open Hearted Warrior” by being in alignment with what is “REAL” for you, what is best for you. Exactly like the velveteen rabbit.

The Open Hearted Warrior

Do you associate an open heart with a lack of boundaries and protection? Do you believe that being open hearted makes you vulnerable?

Most of us guard our heart more closely than we guard our wallets.  We hide from and avoid people, situations and things that may hurt us.  We shield ourselves from experiences that might impact us in a negative way.  But what if we could experience open hearted joy with wild abandon while still holding healthy energetic boundaries?  It is possible and this is what I call being an Open Hearted Warrior (OHW).

  • An OHW understands that sometimes we must make a tough decision and hold the line with people but the OHW does it from a place of loving compassion, first for themselves and then for others.  
  • An OHW loves fiercely but can also stand in battle against the forces (both internal and external) that would do them harm.  
  • An OHW looks deep within themselves and when presented with a decision they choose what makes their heart sing.
  • An OHW practices gratitude for all things not just those things they perceive as "good" or "easy". They understand that as we move through our muck with an open heart we do so without attachment and that allows us to grow from every experience.
  • An OHW experiences love and joy fully without apology.  They live and love deeply from their heart, experiencing life, fully present in each moment.
  • An OHW doesn't try to fix anyone else. They hold neutral space for the others when they are hurting, allowing others to heal in their own way without judgement.
  • An OHW understands that the more they open the heart the more the universe expands to meet them halfway, to deliver them all their heart desires.    

Holding an open heart doesn't have to make you vulnerable.  As we open our heart we invite in a deeper connection to self and others, enabling true connection unlike anything we have ever experienced before.  This is the way of the Open Hearted Warrior.  

What a Difference a Year Makes

It’s only been a year.  I keep reminding myself of that over and over again.  Exactly one year ago today I found out that I was laid off from my big shiny corporate job.  It was the day before we left for our annual trip to YogaJam in Floyd, Va.  The moment we showed up at the festival I stepped out of the RV and sprained my ankle badly.  So I got to sit and watch everyone else do yoga all weekend while I stewed in my crap.  My phone doesn’t work in Floyd so I couldn’t even distract myself with Facebook.  It was freaking miserable, but it was exactly what I needed.  

Rather than running from my problems and obsessing over my next steps and what I was going to do with my life I had to sit and process all the crap that was up for me.  All the nasty feelings of hurt, shame and regret and of course all the fears.  The rational fears of, how will I make money and the irrational fears of  no one will ever hire me again and I don’t know how I will survive.  

And now I look back, exactly one year later and I am amazed not only at how far I have come but how the universe stepped up and gave me what I needed in every moment, at every turn.  A week before getting laid off I had hired a business coach (quite an investment to move forward with once you don’t have a steady paycheck coming in) to help me out with Zen Within.  I knew I wanted to create an Academy that could change the lives of everyone who attended it and I knew that I wanted to do more work one on one with people.  I spent my 3 months of thankfully paid severance getting my business in order, I wrote all of my Awakening program curriculum, I rebuilt my website and launched it all in January of 2018.  And people showed up!  I had a vision for a retreat experience I wanted to create for people and Zen Within did our first retreat in June of this year and 20 souls showed up!  I accomplished all of the goals I set for myself. 

And yet, this past week I have been through hell.  Doubting and questioning if I have what it takes to do this, to make a living out of this.  Judging myself for still taking on sales operation consulting gigs on the side, even though I love doing the work and helping people in that arena as well.  Judging myself for not doing it all faster and bigger and better.  And you know what, thats all bullshit.  None of it is true.  Its all my monkey brain telling me that I am not enough, that I am not worthy that I am not working hard enough.  And none of that is true.  I help people every day and I am living my purpose.  So today as I pack up to head to Floyd with all my friends, I celebrate.  I rejoice in my success and realize that there is so much more to come.  There is absolutely nothing wrong, everything is right. And I can’t wait to see where I am in another year’s time. 

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

What happens when you say yes to the universe?  Amazing, unbelievable, life altering things happen.  

Recently I asked the universe for support with getting more people to experience my work in a way that didn't make me feel uncomfortable about putting myself out there. And amazingly within a week that support showed up.  

But then the universe said to me, "Ok now I've given you what you asked for are you ready to receive it?"  Well my friends, that was the million dollar question.

What came flooding forward when I was presented with the amazing gift I had requested was a deep well of fear, shame, guilt and feelings of unworthiness.  Why do I deserve this?  Will it work out?  Will I fail?  Can I really take this leap?

So I stopped, I took some time and I went inwards.  I went on an expedition searching my truth.  When I finally found my truth I realized that the intention behind my request had been all wrong.  It wasn't about finding a way to put myself out there without being uncomfortable, it was about standing in my truth in all my glory.  It was about receiving support to help me do more of what I love.  To help me release some burdens and weight that were holding me back.  And even though my original intention was flawed the universe in all it's amazing wisdom still managed to present me with exactly what I needed.  

So with a renewed sense of purpose and intention I said "YES".  

We may not always understand why something is presented to us but if we take the time to go deep within and determine if what is presented is in alignment with our truth, then absolutely nothing can stand in our way.  Absolutely nothing can prevent us from receiving exactly what we need.

On Saturday, August 25th I'll be leading a group through several activations to help clear away the clutter and bring about deep connection to their truth.  If that calls to you click the button below to learn more.  

Roaring Into My Life and Ripping My Heart in Two

The title of this article pretty much sums up my Lion's gate experience.  Today marks the pinnacle, the peak, of this energy and despite all my preparations, despite all my pre-processing it has still rocked my world.  Things that have been long since forgotten have resurfaced, old patterns in personal life and work life have come quite literally roaring forward blocking my view, blocking my perspective on all the work I have done so far.  For moments I forget that I have been on this journey of healing for over 12 years. I forget that I have walked through freaking fire to get here, I forget that I am in charge of my own destiny.  I regress into feelings of loneliness and sadness that rips me open allowing me to bear my soul to the universe and ask "What's next?".  

This path is not easy, anyone partaking in stepping into the light and moving through their muck and mire to get there deserves a freaking medal.  And whatever path you are taking to get there is your own, its your own journey and no one else will ever truly understand what lies at your heart, what machinations of self hatred and denial you have moved through to stand before them.  Now is your time my beauties, its your time allow your heart to expand and grow beyond measure, not to care for others and to love someone else but to truly and fully embrace yourself.  To step boldly into tomorrow even if you don't know what is coming around the next corner.  

Big Love,


Last night I led a webinar and took 18 beautiful souls on a magical journey of healing for the Lion's Gate.  If you missed out and want the recording you can still register and I will send it along to you.  May you move through the flames unscathed and come out the other side alight with your own inner fire and power.  

The Lion's Gate Portal opens soon, here's what to expect.....

Beginning July 26th- August 12th the annual Sirius Lion’s Gate portal will be opening.  Over the years my astrologer friends have always mentioned it as a “Gate of Inspiration” but honestly I have never really paid much attention to it.  This past week, as I often do, I started pre-processing the energies my clients would be experiencing.  Typically the waves come in about 3 weeks or more ahead of time for me than for those that I am working with.  I’ve learned to just accept this and not be too attached to the process.  

Here’s some info about the Lion’s gate and what it means astrologically:

A number of important things happen in our galaxy around the Lion’s Gate opening.  The clearest of all is the pulling of Sirius – the brightest star we can see – towards Earth. At peak alignment, which happens on August 8th, Sirius lines up directly with the pyramids in Giza. 

Sirius is a blue star that is twenty times brighter than the Sun. Sirius is a powerful portal for new energies pouring into our Universe. The rising of Sirius takes place on July 26th. It is concurrent with the annual opening of the Sirius stargate known as the Lion’s gate – called the Lion’s Gate because the Sun moves into Leo at this time. The constellation of the Lion, guards the entrance to the Sirius Stargate. 

This lion’s gate wave of energy I’ve been pre-processing has been very interesting.  I’ve found myself feeling overwhelmed on a physical level and yet at the same time having amazing moments of pure peace and excitement.  Some old patterns around my physical body have arisen for me to move through, these patterns involve me not stopping and caring for my body until I experience a “forced shut down”.  These forced shut down’s in the past would mean an illness crops up.  This time, I felt my body sliding into one of these phases and I chose to shut down.  I purposely up’d my time in nature and I increased my meditations and rest time.  Luckily, as is usually the case, the universe supported me in this endeavor by allowing some flexibility in my schedule due to the holiday week.  

I’ve also experienced great loss (my beautiful animal companion recently crossed over) and immense highs (we recently lead our first retreat).  I’ve been asked yet again to evaluate my life and surrender to the flow of the universe. Allow the things that are not in alignment to move their way out with grace and ease and non-attachment.  This process isn’t easy.  But what has been shown to me is that with great surrender comes great reward.  I’ve been shown time and time again by my guides that the forcefulness with which I approached life before is no longer going to work for me.  If I want to be in “joy” I must also learn to be in flow.  This is a constant learning and re-learning for me as I am a natural born control freak.  

Finally, the most difficult wave I recently experienced was one of disconnection.  Not disconnection on the physical but disconnection on the spiritual.  For a period of almost 2.5 weeks after we lead our first retreat, I experienced not a total disconnection from spirit but not my usual flow either.  At the retreat I felt so much love and beautiful energy flowing through me from spirit that this dip was concerning.  As I sat with it, I realized I could still do my work but my work required effort where before there was ease.  My intuitive abilities normally firing on all cylinders, all 5 senses at once, were limited to 1 or 2 senses at a time.  I spent a week or so in judgement of myself.  Clients were arriving, experiencing shifts just as before but I was in such effort it was very draining.  And then, in meditation recently, I was shown that a very old energy pattern from many lifetimes was at play.  This “disconnection” was something I had put in place in several lifetimes to protect myself from persecution.  I had actually dimmed my gifts.  Once the realization set in I went about clearing this energy to allow the flow to return.  For several days afterwards though I was still experiencing the disconnect, so yet again I went into a space of judgement.  Finally in another meditation I was shown that there were remnants of this energy remaining to be cleared and rather than “efforting” through the process myself I needed to receive help.  As soon as I reached out for help (before even receiving the session from my peer) the energy lifted.  You see it wasn’t that I actually had to have someone else’s help to clear it, it was that spirit wanted me to acknowledge that efforting through it on my own wasn’t necessary.  My guides are teaching me to receive, a lesson I have been learning over and over again for the last year.  

Learning to ride these waves as they present themselves has been an experience of realization, identification and then non-attachment.  The more I attach to the way I am feeling the harder I hold onto the “bad” feelings.  As we move into this auspicious time of the Lion’s gate I expect that many of you will experience similar shifts and energy patterns arriving.  Rather than fearing this time of energetic shift I invite you all to begin setting your intentions ahead of July 26th so that you may direct this energy into a space of opening and abundance.  As we allow the light of the Sirius gate to enter us we will be invited yet again to expand to receive that light.  Its up to you if you do it with ease and grace or force and contraction.

I’m excited to announce that I will be hosting a special Lion’s Gate Activation online just before the peak of the energy on 8/7/18.  This will be a "pay what you can" event and you can register by clicking the button below.  


The Summer Blah...

Every year about this time I drop into what I affectionally call the "Summer Blah".  Unlike many individuals who get depressed in the winter months I find myself down and out in the summer months.  This started when I was suffering from Grave's disease many years ago.  Grave's is a thyroid disease that caused by hyperthyroidism and one of the main side effects is a complete and utter sensitivity to heat.  I spent several years getting this disease under control and during that time the summer months were gruesome.  There are only so many layers of clothing you can take off and be allowed in public.  Now that Grave's disease is behind me I still find myself being down in the summer months.  Part of it is a familiar fear and dread of the heat, but It's shifted for me over the years and I have recently realized that the primary reason I seem to be down is I actually love the idea of hibernation and self discovery that naturally occurs in the winter months.  I crave alone time and it is seems much more acceptable to want to be alone and hibernating in the winter when its freezing outside. But in the summer there is this unspoken expectation of going and doing and being with people all the time.  Add on top of that seeing pictures of everyone else's vacations and summer travels on Facebook and you get a serious case of what's wrong with me?  Why am I not out doing all that? 

As I find myself in this familiar yet uncomfortable place again, I am taken back to the word compassion.  Compassion for myself and where I am in the moment and the realization that its OK if I don't attend every summer party or celebrate every holiday with a blow out bash.  But I couple that with a stern look at my day to day routine.  Where can I soften the hard edges?  Where have I let my spiritual journey and practices become too rigid and without play?   I find that it is the times of year that are hard for us, the seasons of our life that are most difficult when we need the most play, we need the most lightness.  So here's to more play and more exploration, more reading my self help and spiritual study books by the pool.  Here's to late nights on the deck watching fireflies and yes, the occasional summer party and epic vacation.